Self-harm: What Parents/Caregivers Need to Know
It can be terrifying to find out your teen is cutting (or burning/scratching/hitting themselves). You may be blaming yourself, paralyzed by guilt, or you may be frantically ransacking their room, trying to remove all sharp objects. Please know that these are fear-based reactions that come from a place of love. Slowing down and breathing can help as you take time to process and understand what your teen is going through. If you are seeking out help and information, you are on the right track towards supporting them.
Because I have worked with countless families dealing with self-harm and have seen them through to the other side, I would like to offer some helpful information on why teens may be harming, what to be asking them, and where to go if self-harm escalates beyond relieving stress.
Why Teens Self-Harm
The following are common reasons teens turn to self-harm to manage distress:
1. Difficulty with self-soothing
2. Struggling to fit in with peers/social isolation
3. Responding to negative feelings about self in the form of punishment
4. Communicating distress (sending a message for help by self-harming)
5. Struggling with family relationships: lack of boundaries or too much emotional distance
To better understand the specifics of why your teen might be harming, the following questions can help open up the conversation:
Now that I know you’ve been cutting, can you help me understand what it means to you?
How has it been helpful for you to do this?
Is there anything really stressing you out in your life that I might be able to help you with?
In what ways have we maybe contributed to you cutting yourself?
Is there anything missing in our relationship, that if it were present, would make a difference?
Individual and family therapy can be helpful with self-harm as your teen builds communication and emotional regulation skills. Through therapy, they can strengthen their connection with you. If you’d like to schedule a consultation with me to learn/discuss more, please reach out here.
If your teen is experiencing a mental health crisis and has suicidal ideation, please reach out to the following places:
1. Austin Oaks (ages 12-17) South Austin and San Marcos
https://austinoakshospital.com/programs-and-services/adolescent-programs/outpatient-php-and-iop/
2. Cross Creek- North Austin (ages 8-17)
https://www.crosscreekhospital.com/programs/adolescent/
3. MCOT (mobile crisis outreach team)-assessments at home/school 512-472-4357 Travis County (all ages)
https://integralcare.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mobile-Crisis-Outreach-Team_MCOT.pdf
4. Bluebonnet Trails can also do home/school (all ages)-Round Rock/Georgetown
5. Local Emergency Room
