Helping Your Teen Build Healthy Friendships
It can be hard to watch your bright, funny, and beautiful teen struggling with friendships. You want them to be accepted for who they are. You want them to have fun and to also treat others well. You don’t want them to compromise their values just to fit in.
What are the components of a healthy relationship? What should you be talking about with them so that they can start thinking about what they want in a friendship?
You can start by talking to them about trust, which will go a long way in any relationship they have. Trust is also key to your own relationship with your teen. Brené Brown, researcher, storyteller, and Texan, has a list of the 7 elements of trust that are the foundation of a healthy relationship. I often refer to this list with my teen clients as we discuss what values are present in their friendships and what values are missing. Take a look and reflect on this list for yourself. Then, share what you found out about yourself/your own friendships with your teen. This can normalize their friendship struggles and may invite further conversation on worthwhile friendships.
From Brené Brown’s book Dare to Lead:
7 Elements of Trust
1. Boundaries- You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no.
2. Reliability- You do what you say you’ll do. At work (and school), this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don’t over promise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities.
3. Accountability-You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
4. Vault-You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any information about other people that should be confidential.
5. Integrity-You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.
6. Nonjudgment-I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment.
7. Generosity-You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.
See anything you need to work on in your friendships? For more ideas on building meaningful friendships for yourself as an adult (which is also equally tough), try reading Here to Make Friends by Hope Kelaher.
If your teen would benefit from individual or group therapy to further build social skills and self-esteem, please reach out here. I’m happy to connect and provide you with more resources!
