How to Stay Afloat During Hard Times

 “Bad things come in threes.” I held onto this phrase, offered up by two different friends and our family vet, as if it was a rosary bead. A lifeline. Until I got to terrible event number 4. Then 5. Then 6 and I stopped counting. During a particularly challenging season of my life, the hits just kept coming. Why was I the exception to this rule of 3 bad things? Why was life hailing down on me in a series of misfortunate events?

 Because the threes rule is not a rule. It’s a superstition. Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason to why tragedy occurs. We want to pretend that we have control over everything, but by denying our reality, we cannot begin to heal or move forward.

 When life is trying to smother you and you can barely breathe, try the following:

 1. Stop.

It may seem counterintuitive to your desire to move forward, but you have to stop. Nothing productive can happen as you continue to bounce around, out of control or spiral downwards. If you need to find a dark closet or nice trail to be able to pause, do so. If you need to cancel work or school tomorrow, and if it’s feasible, do so. (If you were already not showing up to work or school before this difficult season began, that’s a horse of a different color. We can address that separately.)

2.  Accept your feelings.

If you’ve had several losses, from people you love, to loss of job, limbs, or the life you formerly led, give yourself permission to feel your feelings. They’re not going away if you pretend they’re not there. They’ll wait for you or show up as an explosion at a very inconvenient time. In the words of author John Green from the novel The Fault in Our Stars, “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”

3.  Reach out to others.

If you’re used to hiding when wounded, stop and ask yourself, how well has that worked out for me in the past? It’s time to let others know you’re having a hard time. Many people can relate to what you’re going through. Pick comforting friends and family who can listen, offer up a hug, or bring you a pie.

4.  Work on your self-care.

You’ve most likely been in crisis mode for so long that focusing on yourself has gone by the wayside. In order to bounce back, you need to be taking care of you too. The basics need to be covered: breathing, eating well-balanced meals, sleeping, bathing. Then add on exercising, journaling, songs that bring you comfort, puppies.

5.  Look for your meaning and purpose.

It’s easy to lose yourself during trying times. Remember that your struggle is not your identity. Find ways to help others and regain something to believe in and a sense of control in areas where you can. Keep up your hobbies and activities that bring you comfort.

6.  Eat your elephant one bite at a time.

Pick a few smaller problems and write out possible solutions. Address those so that you feel successful and see progress. You don’t have to solve every problem, but even small bites will help life feel more manageable.

If you’re needing professional help during this difficult time, reach out here. The rain will eventually stop pouring and I’ll be here with a boat if you need a lift.